The Essence of You Podcast

This episode kicks off with a cold open - Steph and Chance Fuerstinger re-discovering their unlikely shared connection to Grand Junction, Colorado, before the mics officially turn on.
Actor, writer, filmmaker, and acting teacher Chance Fuerstinger joins Steph Lokelani for a conversation that moves from the craft of storytelling to the harder work of understanding yourself. Chance breaks down the Meisner technique, why "the dialog is bullshit" (the truth underneath it is what matters), and the running joke of being crowned Boise's sixth-funniest person. From there the conversation turns to real life: walking away from a soul-crushing job in medical billing, rewriting a fantasy novel first drafted at 16, and directing documentaries about stories that deserve to be told without an agenda attached.
The episode closes on the question this podcast always asks: who are you when the titles fall away? Chance talks candidly about the ongoing work of self-discovery, including a recent diagnosis that helped some long-standing pieces click into place, and learning to set boundaries with the people closest to him.
About Chance Fuerstinger:
Chance Fuerstinger is an international award winning actor, writer, and filmmaker. He lives in Kuna, Idaho with his husband and their three demon cats. He is an instructor at Boise Acting Studio. He spends his free time acting and directing for local community theatres in the Boise area and is currently serving on the board of directors at Boise Little Theater. Passionate about his craft, Chance lives by the mantra, "If you know everything there is to know about acting, you should stop acting." Outside of acting, Chance is hard at work on a fantasy novel.
💡 Key Takeaways
- Acting method matters less than presence - Chance's Meisner-based approach centers on truly listening to your scene partner and building real imaginary circumstances, not performing emotion.- "The dialog is bullshit" - the words characters say matter less than the truth underneath them; playing the subtext is the actual job.- Walking away from a stable but miserable career opened space for teaching, writing, and acting full time.- Writing a novel is a different muscle than writing for stage or screen - you're the one painting the whole picture, inner monologue and all.- Feedback is only useful if you actually want it - Chance talks through learning to ask for, and sit with, honest critique.- Self-discovery isn't a finish line, it's an ongoing practice, done creatively and in public, and it includes learning to set boundaries with the people closest to you.
⏱️ Chapters
00:00 – Cold Open: The Grand Junction Connection03:56 – Welcome & Meeting Chance Fuerstinger19:39 – Boise's Funniest Person & Returning to Comedy31:59 – Chance's Acting Method (Meisner Technique)39:27 – Theater Etiquette & Staying Present On Stage47:10 – Teaching Acting for Stage vs. Film53:22 – Documentary Filmmaking & Stories Worth Telling57:58 – Rewriting a Novel Started at 161:04:45 – Leaving a Soul-Sucking Job for Creative Freedom1:12:46 – Feedback, Killing Your Darlings & the Writing Process1:19:57 – Dream Roles1:26:37 – Who Are You At Your Core?

Joey Maxey wears a lot of hats - actor, filmmaker, dancer, cosplayer, and host of the vintage jigsaw puzzle YouTube channel Janky Puzzles. But ask him what he's proudest of, and he'll tell you it's his job as an elementary school janitor.
In this episode, Steph Lokelani sits down with her longtime friend and collaborator to trace a career that's gone from indie feature films (including their own "Retreat" film) to retail, a hospital front desk, and a dream job delivering mail for the USPS, cut short by an epilepsy diagnosis. Joey opens up about being homeless and sleeping in his car, losing both parents, and the piece of advice from his grandmother that changed how he thinks about happiness altogether: stop chasing it, and chase contentment instead.
Steph and Joey also get into the craft side of filmmaking - lighting, method acting, and why a well-run set matters - before landing on the deeply human question Steph asks every guest... listen to find out what it is.
About Joey Maxey
Joey Maxey is the goofy but lovable TV Dad in this situation comedy of life, one in which he relishes being the supporting character of a show that’s not his. He loves listening to people’s stories, learning about their hobbies, and sharing in those mutual experiences. 
From community theater, independent films, burlesque reviews, stand up comedy, movie podcaster, he has carried many “dashes” in life. Currently he is the host of the YouTube show “Janky Puzzles”, exploring the world of vintage jigsaw puzzles of all things, who knows what buffoonery will come his way next. 
He is a family man, a creative, a janitor, but most of all…alive. Which is pretty cool.
📌 Key Takeaways
Career reinvention is rarely a straight line — Joey's path wound through retail, a hospital, a school, and the post office before he found his favorite job yet.A life-altering diagnosis can force a pivot you didn't choose, and that's okay.Chase contentment, not happiness — happiness is a moving target, contentment is something you can actually hold onto.The most "unglamorous" jobs can be the most meaningful ones.Hard seasons (grief, homelessness, hardship) don't have to define you, and acknowledging them doesn't mean minimizing them.Small, weird, specific memories — a chili contest, a truck-stop rib dinner — often mean more than the big bucket-list wins.Curiosity and not taking yourself too seriously might be the whole secret.
Check out Joey's YouTube Channel, Janky Puzzles! https://www.youtube.com/@JankyPuzzles
⏱️ Chapters
0:00 – Cold open & pre-show banter1:42 – Welcome to the show & how Joey and Steph met3:23 – Making "Retreat" - their first film together7:11 – The craft of low-budget filmmaking & staying present as an actor12:58 – Lighting, gaffers, and why practical light matters16:21 – Joey's official bio (and unofficial titles)17:19 – 24 years in retail, then a hospital and a school24:15 – The dream job that got cut short and an epilepsy diagnosis28:33 – Why being a school janitor is the best job Joey's ever had38:49 – Grandma's wisdom: chase contentment, not happiness50:53 – Janky Puzzles: Joey's vintage jigsaw puzzle YouTube channel51:49 – The wild true story behind Thomas Kinkade1:03:03 – Mental health, hard seasons, and finding gratitude anyway1:13:56 – Who is Joey Maxey at his core?1:17:04 – Check out Janky Puzzles + final thoughts

In this episode of The Essence of You Podcast, host Steph Lokelani sits down with her friend Celia Espinoza, a finance officer at Idaho Housing and Finance Association, for a heartfelt conversation about culture, identity, and the winding paths that lead us home to ourselves.
Steph and Celia first connected through the Boise Metro Chamber's b|Wise mentorship program, and their friendship has only deepened since. Together they explore what it means to feel disconnected from your heritage while living far from your roots, and how food, music, family rituals, and even a spontaneous trip to Mexico City or Hawaii can reconnect you to where you come from.
Celia opens up about a life-changing trip to Standing Rock in 2016, a period of homelessness that followed, and the full-circle career journey that eventually led her into affordable housing finance. She also shares how a mentor believed in her before she believed in herself, and how she now pays that forward through community outreach with organizations like Breaking Chains in Nampa.
Steph shares her own journey reclaiming her Hawaiian middle name, Lokelani, and the family recipes and traditions that keep her culture alive here in Boise.
This is a conversation about mentorship, motherhood, cultural pride, and finding your way back to what really matters.
 
About Celia Espinoza:Celia works in affordable housing finance and development across Idaho, but her story is rooted in much more than her career. A grandmother, a first-generation Mexican American, a lifelong learner, and someone deeply connected to culture, spirituality, and community, she draws from her own experiences navigating hardship and finding her voice. Her journey has shaped a passion for creating opportunity, encouraging others to see themselves in spaces they may have never imagined, and honoring the stories that make us who we are.
 
Key Takeaways: - Community and mentorship (like the b|Wise program) can turn strangers into lifelong friends and support systems.- Feeling disconnected from your culture is common when you're raised far from your community, but small rituals can help you reclaim it.- A single trip to your ancestral homeland can be profoundly grounding, even if you can't trace your exact family history.- Sometimes the people who believe in you before you believe in yourself change the entire trajectory of your career.- Giving back looks different for everyone: from mentoring interns to giving at-risk youth a tour of your workplace.- Culture is often kept alive through the smallest things: Saturday morning music, a family recipe, or a name you almost stopped using.
 
Chapters:00:00 - Cold open00:20 - Welcome to The Essence of You00:36 - How Steph and Celia met through b|Wise03:38 - Networking without the small talk07:24 - A healing retreat with an herbalist11:13 - Feeling disconnected from your culture15:46 - Capturing grandma's stories before they're gone18:49 - Discovering Giraffe Laugh26:18 - Lomi lomi salmon & Hawaiian food traditions28:10 - Keeping culture alive on Saturday mornings29:38 - Four names & reclaiming a Hawaiian identity34:16 - The calling to Standing Rock42:54 - Homelessness to a full-circle career46:16 - The mentor who believed in her first51:35 - Giving back through Breaking Chains57:29 - Hobbies, flow & making time for creativity1:00:25 - Who are you at your core?

In this timely conversation,  Steph Lokelani sits down with her dear friend Adrienne Evans, Executive Director of United Vision for Idaho (UVI), for a raw, wide-ranging conversation about political division, authoritarianism, and how everyday people can rebuild community across difference. From growing up in rural Idaho to a life-changing visit to Auschwitz, Adrienne shares hard-won wisdom from 17+ years leading UVI and over 107,000 conversations across 13 states. They talk rural Idaho organizing, the difference between mobilizing and organizing, why nonprofits are under real threat, Adrienne's upcoming memoir, and the new documentary "Democracy in Motion." A heartfelt, honest episode about staying human in a divided world.
About Adrienne Evans:Adrienne Evans is the executive director for United Vision for Idaho, the state’s only multi-issue, progressive coalition. She’s a sociologist with a background in multi-issue movement development with an emphasis on the intersections of economic, social, and racial justice. A nationally recognized social justice organizer, strategist, renown public speaker and facilitator, she is an organizer at heart and in practice. Her perspective and work on key state and national campaigns has been a critical voice to move both policy and practice. She cultivates and works with organizations and leaders locally, nationally, and internationally to cultivate a new spirit of collaboration to develop strategies and interventions and to fundamentally address the existential crisis of democracy collectively facing all of us. Strategic, bold and unafraid to tackle our greatest challenges coming from one of the most conservative places in the country and situated in a state that is a target of rising anti-democratic, authoritarian, and militarized with deepening investment, she spearheaded a revolutionary program that has amassed the greatest set of quantitative and qualitative data from those aligned with anti-democratic and authoritarian movements to reorient the progressive movement and lay the foundation for strategic interventions to meet the gravity of a declining democracy. The project, United Vision Project is game changing for our ability to hold and advance a democracy for all of us, hailed by senior research partner, Steven Gardner at Political Research Associates as, “The first time anything like this has ever been attempted, the closest thing might be the work of Theodor Adorno studying the rise of authoritarianism after the Spanish Civil War."
Key Takeaways:- Division grows when we stop seeing each other's humanity - curiosity and small acts of "neighboring" can rebuild it- Organizing ≠ mobilizing: real change starts with relationships, not just turnout- Only 6% of philanthropic dollars reach rural communities - nonprofits need grassroots support now more than ever- Democracy is like a garden: it must be tended, or the weeds take over- Adrienne's upcoming memoir and the documentary "Democracy in Motion" both explore what it takes to build a movement beyond party lines- United Vision Project trains people to have real conversations across political extremes — learn more at UnitedVisionProject.org
🔗 Learn More:United Vision for Idaho: https://uvidaho.org/United Vision Project: https://unitedvisionproject.org/
🎧 Follow The Essence of Youhttps://irlfilms.com/theessenceofyou
Chapters:00:00 - Cold open, welcome & how Steph and Adrienne met01:13 - Inside United Vision for Idaho (UVI)05:24 - Political division hits home09:17 - Finding common ground with neighbors13:14 - Randy's story: rural Idaho & changed minds15:48 - Organizing vs. mobilizing18:49 - No Kings protests & taking real action22:16 - Nonprofits under attack24:18 - Democracy is like a garden26:15 - Writing a memoir in the middle of it all30:27 - Inside the documentary "Democracy in Motion"33:17 - Building the world we want37:35 - "Neighboring" & leading with curiosity39:42 - Where our opinions on race really come from42:55 - Community, belonging & veterans46:26 - Auschwitz, hobbies & Adrienne's personal story54:54 - Disillusioned with the two-party system57:27 - Why politics does you, whether you like it or not59:52 - Who is Adrienne at her core?1:02:19 - Announcing Motion Storyworks1:03:52 - United Vision Project & closing thoughts

Jamie Lange has spent her career sitting in two different rooms - the therapy chair and the yoga mat - and on this episode of The Essence of You, she brings the wisdom from both into one of the most layered, tender, and unexpectedly funny conversations of the series yet.
Jamie is a licensed therapist, owner of Front Street Yoga, and founder of the nonprofit Girls on the Mat. She joins Steph for a conversation about the ideas we never chose but carry anyway. They start with the Rumi quote on Jamie's studio wall: "Out beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. I will meet you there," and use it to unpack why the people we find hardest to love are often just mirrors of ourselves, why family wounds cut deeper than any other kind, and what it costs to be the one everyone assumes "has it together."
The second half goes deep about Girls on the Mat: how it grew out of Jamie's own girlhood wounds, why research now shows girls losing their self-esteem as young as nine, and how nervous system literacy - not perfection - is the real work of healing. It closes on a Rumi line that says it best: "The wound is the place where the light enters you."
This episode includes candid discussions of divorce, childhood trauma, and family estrangement.
About Jamie Lange
Jamie Lange, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC), E-RYT 500, M.A., M.Counseling, is a psychotherapist, yoga therapist, educator, and speaker dedicated to helping people heal through the integration of neuroscience, spirituality, psychology, movement, and mindfulness. For the past decade, she has served the Boise community through Humble Warrior Counseling, Consulting & Yoga, where she specializes in trauma and nervous system regulation using yoga therapy, somatic approaches, including EMDR and meditation.
Jamie is also the founder and Executive Director of Girls on the Mat, a nonprofit organization that empowers girls through nervous system literacy, breathwork, movement, and community. She is also the owner of Front Street Yoga and Healing, a wellness studio that brings together yoga, mental health, and holistic healing under one roof.
Rooted in both yoga and Buddhist philosophy, Jamie believes healing is never a solitary act. It is something we create together. “I create you and you create me.” Every interaction leaves an imprint. We can create from pain, or we can create from love. We get to choose. Through healing ourselves, we become capable of co-creating lives, relationships, and communities rooted in compassion, courage, and love.
🔗 Connect with Jamie LangeFront Street Yoga: https://www.frontstreetyoga.com/Humble Warrior Counseling: https://www.frontstreetyoga.com/humble-warrior-counselingGirls on the Mat: https://www.girlsonthemat.com/
🎧 Follow The Essence of Youhttps://irlfilms.com/theessenceofyou
💡 KEY TAKEAWAYS- Most beliefs about who we are were given to us, not chosen, which means we can give them back.- People we find "difficult to love" often reflect something in ourselves we don't want to face.- Family wounds cut deeper because family carries an implicit promise of safety.- A Klesha is an idea we're stuck in. Meeting someone there, instead of reacting, stops the ripple.- Healing isn't about being finished, it's noticing when you're activated and regulating in the moment.- Girls on the Mat was born from Jamie's own girlhood wounds: "When we heal girls, we help women. When we heal women, we save girls."- New research shows girls now lose self-esteem as early as age nine.- "The wound is the place where the light enters you" - our hardest experiences often become our purpose.
⏱️ CHAPTERS00:00 Cold Open00:28 Welcome + How Steph Met Jamie02:11 Yoga for Good: A Decade of Giving05:43 Meet Jamie Lange06:42 The Rumi Quote on Jamie's Wall09:08 Steph: Taught to Be Racist as a Kid11:37 People "Difficult to Love"14:00 Steph & Her Sister16:35 Why Family Wounds Hit Differently20:00 Divorce, Frodo the dog, and Broken Safety24:00 Cosmo's Essay: "Luckiest Kid Alive"27:00 Just Ideas: Body Image & Self-Talk28:00 Why Steph Started Attending the Women's Group30:00 The Pool Is Closed33:00 "Remember Who the F*** You Are"36:43 Five Years of Facilitating Groups40:33 Jamie the Human, Not Just the Therapist46:03 Safety in Yoga Teacher Training47:35 Choosing a Different Kind of Studio50:37 Kleshas: Our Stuck Ideas55:32 Mirrors in Marriage58:20 The Birth of Girls on the Mat59:45 "Heal Girls, Help Women"1:01:42 Real Results in Boise Schools1:03:33 Trauma, Branding & Mental Health1:04:51 Facilitators & Studio Partners1:09:00 Camps + Girl Scout Partnership1:11:08 Self-Esteem Now Drops at Age 91:13:48 Should Facilitators Heal First?1:16:45 Nervous System Literacy1:19:00 Nothing to Shed1:21:00 Breathwork in Real Time1:23:42 Rumi: Where the Light Enters1:25:00 Jamie's Wounds, Quiet Violence1:27:08 Walking Toward the Wound1:29:13 Who Are You at Your Core?1:31:36 Sign-Off

In this episode of The Essence of You, host Steph Lokelani sits down with Jen Potcher - an actor, singer, and karaoke host based in Boise - for a wide-ranging conversation about the many lives of a working actor and the power of women supporting women.
Jen pulls back the curtain on her work as a "standardized patient" and role player: an actor who steps into realistic scenarios for nursing schools, police academies, the Department of Correction, genetic counseling telehealth sessions, and even fair housing discrimination testing. She talks candidly about the emotional toll of playing victims, perpetrators, and everything in between, the validating moments that remind her why the work matters, and the hustle of piecing together a living as a working actor.
The conversation then shifts to Jen's proudest accomplishment: founding Female Film Slayers, a Boise-based community of women in film born out of a need for connection, safety, and support in an industry that can be tough on women both in front of and behind the camera. Jen walks through the group's evolution, from karaoke nights and a living-room makeup class to four award-winning short films: "#Ded," the 13 Stories musical "A Pack of Cigarettes and 11 Cents," the festival-winning "Pinky Promise," and their most ambitious project yet, "Bluebird," a mob-and-trafficking thriller shot at the Egyptian Theater (complete with a real fire alarm scare that may have saved the historic building).
Steph and Jen close out with a reflection on identity beneath the titles, and a peek into Jen's life as a karaoke host at the Balcony Club, where - as she puts it - everyone is a rock star.
About Jen Potcher:
Jen Potcher is a local actress, singer, and filmmaker who has spent more than three decades honing her craft in theater and film. Audiences can catch her solving crimes in The Dinner Detective Interactive Murder Mystery Show or performing the National Anthem at sporting and community events throughout the Treasure Valley.
By day, Jen brings realism to nursing and law enforcement training programs through simulation-based acting. Her proudest accomplishment, however, is founding The Female Film Slayers of Idaho. What began as a social and support group for women in film has evolved into an award-winning team of fierce female filmmakers dedicated to creating original stories and uplifting one another's voices. Their latest film, Blue Bird, was recognized with multiple awards at the Idaho Film Family Festival, where the team earned honors for directing, cinematography, and acting, including Best Actress, and Best Supporting Actress for Jen. Bluebird is currently on the festival circuit. 
A passionate advocate for the arts and a proud ally, Jen can also be found hosting karaoke every Sunday night at The Balcony Club, Idaho's premier LGBTQ+ nightclub.
Key Takeaways:
"Standardized patient" and role-player acting work is a legitimate, ongoing career path. Jen acts in realistic training scenarios for nursing schools, multiple police academies, the Department of Correction, genetic counseling telehealth sessions, and fair housing discrimination testing.
This kind of acting carries real emotional weight. Running the same intense scenario dozens of times in a day - crying, screaming, playing victims or perpetrators - is exhausting in a way people outside the industry rarely recognize.
Validating moments (a former police trainee crediting a scenario for a life lesson learned, or being asked to demo a technique no one had seen a role player do before) help combat the imposter syndrome that even experienced actors constantly feel.
Acting careers are built through relationships and persistence, not a single break. Jen's path started with a friend's tip about River City Entertainment in 2018, then snowballed through referrals into Boise State, Grand Canyon University, multiple police academies, and beyond.
Female Film Slayers was born from a real, felt need: women in the local film industry needed a safe space to support each other, share information, and combat the isolation of working with the same talented women without ever really getting to know them.
Big creative projects don't require expertise up front, they require a willingness to learn together. Female Film Slayers' four films show a clear and rapid growth curve in production quality, built one project at a time.
Inclusion was a deliberate choice. On "Bluebird," every single person who auditioned was offered a role, with the team finding creative ways to weave in extras, fight performers, and first-time crew members.
Community accountability matters. Female Film Slayers exists in part to give women a place to bring concerns about harassment on set and figure out, together, how to respond and support one another.
Karaoke hosting, much like Jen's other work, is about giving people their moment. Her hosting philosophy: "everyone at my show is a rock star," regardless of skill level.
Chapters:
00:00 – Cold open: dollar movie nights and the joy of going solo00:52 – Welcome to The Essence of You & meeting Jen Potcher01:00 – How Steph and Jen met, and the staged reading "Being Jane Eyre"06:57 – You don't have to go to Hollywood: becoming a "standardized patient"09:15 – Police academies, the Department of Correction & telehealth genetic counseling12:58 – Scripts vs. improv in training scenarios17:08 – Getting into role-player work, quitting her day job, and her first paid gig20:25 – Fair housing testing and hosting The Dinner Detective murder mystery show24:21 – The hidden exhaustion of playing different people all day26:19 – The craziest characters she's been asked to play28:58 – Why Jen started Female Film Slayers32:49 – First gatherings: karaoke nights and a community makeup class34:30 – Future class ideas: gun safety, horses, and harassment protocols36:27 – How the group got its name37:08 – First film, "#Ded," and the 13 Stories musical44:03 – Second film, "Pinky Promise," and its festival wins50:50 – Fourth film "Bluebird": inspired by The Godfather and Commando56:02 – Behind the scenes: 31 cast members, fight choreography & cinematographer April Frame1:01:50 – Why the film is called "Bluebird"1:02:08 – The Female Film Slayers screening night and the Egyptian Theater fire scare1:09:44 – Reflecting on the group and what's next1:12:01 – Closing question: Who are you at your core?1:13:42 – Life as a karaoke host: "everyone's a rock star"1:16:52 – Closing thanks and an invitation to join Female Film Slayers

In this heartfelt episode, host Steph Lokelani sits down with her close friend, elementary school computer teacher, and yoga teacher trainee Mallory Wirz for a conversation that is equal parts raw, funny, and deeply moving.
Steph and Mallory met through a two-year women's healing retreat. Their shared story of growing up as the oldest siblings, navigating trauma, and choosing the hard work of healing forms the backbone of this episode. From breaking generational cycles and raising emotionally empowered kids, to standing up to bullying, teaching compassion in the classroom, and finding meditative peace underwater, Mallory's journey is one of quiet, powerful transformation.
Whether you are in the thick of your healing journey, wondering if it is worth it, or looking for proof that you can come out stronger on the other side, this episode is for you.
About Mallory Wirz:
I am Mallory Wirz. I am a wife, mother of 3 wonderful kids, a computer teacher and learning how to become a yoga teacher. I have lived such a roller coaster of a life. A sprinkle of just about everything from, beautiful, really hard, sometimes scary, and things most should never need to go through. I strive to take what was put in front of me and learn what not to do and what to use as a lesson to make the world a better place for others that come after me. I live my life with love as the foundation to everything I do. I give love without any expectation and hope that it helps fill what is missing in others. I love to scuba dive, love learning how to navigate emotions and how it applies to yoga philosophy and I love spending time with family and friends. 
Key Takeaways:
1. Healing is a choice - and a courageous one. Mallory reflects on how she could have gone a very different direction given what she experienced growing up, and credits her commitment to healing with shaping the person, parent, and teacher she is today.
2. Breaking generational cycles is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children. Mallory shares how intentionally parenting differently - giving her kids a voice, space to be heard, and freedom to express big emotions - is something she considers her greatest success.
3. You are not responsible for the pain that other people project on you. One of the most powerful yogic principles Mallory has been applying in her own life: recognizing misperception, and understanding that when someone hurts you, it is often about what they are carrying, not about you.
4. Showing up for others starts with knowing what it felt like not to be shown up for. Mallory's motivation to always be in someone's corner comes directly from her own experience of feeling unsupported and turning pain into empathy.
5. Teaching kids about cyberbullying and compassion early can change everything. Mallory uses a simple, powerful teaching tool in her classroom: if you would not say it to someone's face on the playground, do not type it. She has witnessed this teaching lead to real change.
6. Finding your meditative state can look different for everyone. For Mallory, it is underwater: diving in the rain off the coast of Cozumel, watching rain hit the ocean surface from below, and being completely still.
7. Your core self may still be in discovery, and that is okay. When asked who she is at her core, Mallory's answer is honest: a loving, caring person who leads with love and compassion, and continuing to become more fully herself.
If you or someone you know is having a difficult time, free support is available: Call or text 988 to reach the Idaho Crisis and Suicide Hotline. Support is available 24/7, and you can also use their 988 Lifeline Chat for online support.
Chapters:
00:00 — Cold Open: Animals, Dogs & Setting the Scene00:31 — Welcome & Introducing Mallory Wirz01:55 — How Steph and Mallory Met: The Women's Healing Retreat04:45 — What Drew Mallory to the Retreat and What She Found There07:10 — Mirrors of Each Other: Shared Trauma and Shared Healing09:35 — Why Mallory Joined Yoga Teacher Training13:30 — Girls on the Mat: Yoga, Young Girls, and Purpose17:00 — Breaking Chains: Raising Kids Differently21:00 — Mallory's Daughter Stands Up to Bullying24:00 — Shared Bullying Stories from Childhood28:00 — Adult Bullies and the Unhealed Wounds Behind Them30:10 — The Healing Journey Is Not Like It Looks on TV33:00 — Yoga Philosophy: Misperception and Shifting the Narrative38:30 — How Mallory Handles Bullying as a Teacher43:00 — Cyberbullying Lessons in the Classroom47:00 — Youth Mental Health and Rising Suicide Rates in the Treasure Valley54:00 — What Shaped the Person Mallory Is Today58:00 — Showing Up for Others Because No One Showed Up for You01:02:00 — Backpacks, New Shoes & Breaking the Cycle of Shame01:06:00 — How Mallory Became a Computer Teacher01:09:00 — Scuba Diving, Cozumel, and Finding Peace Underwater01:19:00 — The Final Question: Who Are You at Your Core?01:23:00 — Closing, Future Plans & Signing Off

What if the behaviors holding you back aren't flaws to fix, but patterns to understand? In this episode of The Essence of You Podcast, host Steph Lokelani sits down with Karolee Lovan, behavior life coach and behavioral interventionist, and founder of Social Graces. Karolee brings a rare blend of behavioral psychology, real-world intervention experience, and deeply personal transformation to a conversation that will make you rethink everything you thought you knew about habits, change, and who you are at your core.
Karolee shares her winding path from working with special education students to stepping into the classroom, walking away from a broken system, navigating the corporate world, and ultimately relaunching Social Graces with a crystal-clear mission: help people stop running on autopilot and start living from the driver's seat.
About Karolee Lovan: 
Most professional coaching focuses on surface-level symptoms: "Work harder," "Wake up earlier," "Stay disciplined." But if you are running on outdated patterns, you are simply accelerating in the wrong direction.
Karolee Lovan works at the intersection of behavioral psychology and practical coaching. She doesn't lecture; she listens until her clients truly hear themselves.
The Problem: The Invisible LoopThroughout her career, Karolee spent years watching individuals work incredibly hard without moving forward. It wasn't a lack of motivation, a talent deficit, or a lack of discipline. They were simply stuck inside behavioral loops they had never been taught to see—running on default settings that had quietly stopped serving their current goals.
The Approach: The Pivot Point MethodAs a Behavior Life Coach with a specialized background in intervention, Karolee moves past the traditional "noise" of self-help to focus entirely on the mechanics of human behavior. Using her proprietary Pivot Point Method, she helps clients move through the why and then into the how of sustainable change:
Locate the Pivot Point: Pinpointing the exact moment a behavioral loop triggers, exposing the hidden patterns causing plateaus.
Execute the Interruption: Applying targeted interventions at that exact pivot point to break the exhausting cycle of working hard just to stay in place.
Sustain the Shift: Grounding new behaviors in daily workflow using behavioral science, ensuring the new path becomes the permanent default.
The Result: Movement with ClarityKarolee’s work isn't about adding more to a client's plate or demanding exhausting amounts of willpower. It is about removing the friction of the patterns that no longer serve who they are becoming. She doesn't offer generic advice; she offers a mirror and a toolkit.
"I don't lecture. I listen until you hear yourself."
🎁 Mention that you heard Karolee on The Essence of You and receive 50% off her services at Social Graces — offer valid ONLY through June 2026. Visit: https://socialgracesbc.com/
Whether you're stuck in an old thought loop, struggling to change a habit, or simply trying to show up better for the people you love, this episode is for you.
Key Takeaways:
- Behavior is not good or bad - it's an action. We assign meaning to our behaviors based on upbringing, culture, and experience. Recognizing this frees you to rewrite the story.
- Coming off autopilot is the first step. If you don't examine what you're doing day in and day out, you'll stay stuck in patterns that no longer serve you.
- Start smaller than you think. Real, lasting change happens through micro-steps. Karolee's example: don't join a gym yet, just put your workout shoes by the door.
- Gratitude can rewire your brain. After two years of deep inner work, Karolee discovered that daily gratitude practice was her personal "linchpin" - the behavior that unlocked everything else.
- Coaching vs. therapy: know the difference. A coach is an accountability partner focused on moving forward. A therapist helps heal the past. Both have a place and Karolee knows exactly where her scope begins and ends.
Chapters:
00:00 - Cold Open: McLovin Ice Breaker00:38 - Introducing Karolee Lovan01:53 - What Drew Karolee to Behavior Work03:22 - From Paraprofessional to Special Ed Teacher04:07 - Why She Left the Classroom05:00 - Behavior Kept Calling Her Back05:58 - Launching Social Graces the First Time06:57 - Defining Behavior: What It Actually Is07:57 - Coming Off Autopilot09:41 - Balancing Behavioral Expertise at Home11:14  -Being Your Own Client12:06  -Two Years of Deep Inner Work13:03  -Gratitude as the Linchpin14:13 - Rewiring Through Small Wins15:56 - What Is Social Graces?18:42 - Six Weeks, One Behavior19:39 - What Clients Most Want to Change21:32 - Comfortable Being Uncomfortable22:09 - Coach vs. Therapist: The Key Difference24:04 - How Launching Changed Karolee's Life25:02 - Corporate Communication Breakdowns26:45 - What's in It for Me? The Simon Sinek Thread28:13  -When People Check Out (The HP Example)29:08 - Steph's Scarcity Mindset — Live Unpack31:25 - The "Unpacking" Framework33:00 - The GPS Analogy: Rerouting to Your Destination35:47 - Building the Action Plan with Your Client37:05 - The Workout Shoes Method39:05 - Identity Shapes Behavior40:29 - The Fire Extinguisher Story42:03 - Special Offer for Essence of You Listeners43:18 - Passion, Royalty & the Color Purple45:46 - What Would Your Brother Say?47:42 - Analyzing Poetry at 11 PM50:10 - Behaviors Are Neither Good Nor Bad52:43 - The Experience That Shaped Her Most54:30 - Marriage as a Practice57:10 - Where Personal Story Meets Purpose59:57 - Getting Volunteered Into Corporate01:01:38 - Gratitude for the Ugly Chapters01:03:38 - Essence of You — What Does It Mean?01:05:23 - Why Steph Started the Podcast01:07:57 - How Many True Friends Do You Have?01:09:47 - Final Question: Who Are You at Your Core?01:10:56 -Closing, Discount Reminder & Farewell

What does it mean to truly see someone? In this episode of The Essence of You, host Steph Lokelani sits down with Shannon White-Deane, a Certified Gallup Strengths Coach, leadership and disability consultant, and "certified single mom" based in Boise, Idaho. Shannon brings warmth, honesty, and hard-won wisdom to a wide-ranging conversation that touches on identity, community, change, and what it really means to lead from your strengths.
Shannon shares the story behind her crutches and the quiet but powerful decision to embrace them. That shift became a metaphor for the way she lives and leads: stop hiding the parts of yourself that make you who you are, because those differences aren't liabilities, they're advantages.
She talks about her national Paul Gleason Award for Innovation and Initiative in wildland fire leadership, her journey to becoming a Gallup Strengths Coach, and the single moment with a former boss that confirmed she had found her calling. She speaks candidly about navigating change and why she believes being curious rather than judgmental can transform how we relate to one another.
Whether you're exploring your own strengths, learning to lead more inclusively, or simply trying to make room for the people around you, this episode is full of moments that will stay with you.
About Shannon:
Shannon believes the little things in life aren’t little at all - they’re the moments that spark transformation. As a Gallup-Certified CliftonStrengths consultant, coach, and facilitator, she helps individuals and teams discover and use their unique talents to thrive.
For Shannon, having a coach is like having a trainer, because accountability matters. She encourages clients to leverage their talent on and off the field, and reminds them that taking care of yourself is the foundation for doing anything for others.
Drawing on her experience as a professional, a mom, and a coach, Shannon creates space for meaningful conversations that highlight what’s working—not just what isn’t. She brings empathy, insight, and clarity to every interaction, helping people see themselves differently and move forward with purpose.
Whether working with executives, managers, or individuals, Shannon is known for turning everyday conversations into breakthroughs. Her strengths-based approach builds resilience, fosters collaboration, and unlocks the best in people - both at work and in life.
Key Takeaways:
1. Your differences are your advantages. - Shannon's core belief, shaped by a lifetime of navigating the world with cerebral palsy, is that the things that make you different from everyone else are not weaknesses to manage around. They are strengths to lean into. She learned to stop hiding her crutches in photos and started seeing them as part of who she is.
2. Your strengths give you energy; your weaknesses drain it. - One of the most practical insights in this episode: when you operate from your top Gallup Strengths, you feel energized. When you operate from your lower ones, you feel depleted. This reframe changes how you think about self-improvement - stop trying to get better at what exhausts you, and double down on what fuels you.
3. You don't have to be the manager to lead. - Shannon brought Clifton Strengths to her entire BLM district. Not because she was in charge, but because she believed in it, asked, and led up. Her lesson: the answer to "can I do this?" is almost always just "ask." All they can say is no.
4. Little things are the big things. - From holding a door for someone on crutches to a mom on the greenbelt telling her young son "that is a strong woman," Shannon notices the moments most people miss. Her work as a disability consultant is built on this: help people see what they take for granted, so they can serve everyone better.
5. Change is a constant. - Shannon prepares to launch her oldest son into the Air Force, her deep understanding of how to work with change, helps prepare her for this major family milestone.
6. Be curious, not judgmental. - Shannon's closing philosophy: before you assume you understand why someone is doing something, get curious. The colleague who kept derailing meetings wasn't being difficult, he had "Command" as his #3 strength, and once Shannon named it, everything shifted. Understanding changes everything.
Chapters:
00:00 — Welcome & Introduction01:45 — How Steph and Shannon Met02:30 — Shannon's New Year Goal: Making Real Time for Friends03:55 — The Spud Run & Racing with a Disability08:05 — The Paul Gleason Award: Bringing Strengths to Wildland Fire09:35 — What Got Shannon Into Gallup Strengths Coaching11:20 — Steph and Shannon Compare Their Top 5 Strengths14:45 — The Shadow Side of Strengths (and Why Harmony Is Steph's #34)16:15 — Clifton Strengths vs. DISC: How They're Different18:30 — Shannon's Son Is Joining the Air Force: Being a Bird Launcher20:05 — The Crutches Story: Hiding, Then Choosing to Be Seen23:55 — What "The Little Things Are the Big Things" Really Means25:10 — The Door Story: What Disability Consulting Actually Looks Like28:55 — Back to the Race: Doing It Your Own Way32:10 — The Power of Community and Why It Makes You Live Longer35:50 — Starting a Business Solo & Finding Treasure Valley Givers38:50 — The Leadership Moment That Changed Everything (Shannon's Boss Story)44:00 — Horseback Riding in Minnesota: The Joy That Shaped Her46:20 — How Shannon Navigates Change48:40 — What Brought Shannon to This Moment54:00 — How to Convince Someone to Take the Strengths Assessment57:10 — The Team Meeting Story: Command Strength & the Colleague Who Clicked01:01:40 — You Don't Have to Be the Manager to Lead01:03:30 — What Experience Most Shaped Shannon01:06:30 — Shannon's Next Goal: Walter's Wiggles at Zion National Park01:09:45 — What Shannon Wants the World to Know About People with Disabilities01:11:10 — The Essence of You: Who Is Shannon at Her Core?01:14:00 — Steph Answers Shannon's Question: Building Her Business Solo01:18:30 — Closing & Next Steps

In this special live episode of The Essence of You, host Steph Lokelani hands the mic to executive coach and mental performance strategist Mike Krause for a full podcast takeover recorded in front of over 50 leaders at the Hemingway Building on Boise State University campus as part of the Leadership Boise program through the Boise Metro Chamber.
Mike leads a rich, wide-ranging conversation on leadership, legacy, and succession with three guests who have each led organizations through growth, change, and transition: Kevin Bailey of the Idaho Community Foundation, Angela Taylor of the Taylor LEAD Foundation and former President and General Manager of the Atlanta Dream WNBA team, and host Steph Lokelani of In Real Life Films and #OMGFemaleFilmmakers.
Together they explore what it means to lead authentically and what gets in the way. From Angela's experience watching sports coaches lose themselves trying to replicate a predecessor, to Kevin's practice of writing his values on his bathroom mirror each morning, to Steph leaving a corporate career at HP to build IRL Films on her own terms, the conversation is candid, grounded, and full of hard-won wisdom.
They dig into how to build championship cultures (and what the San Antonio Spurs can teach your nonprofit), why having team members with different values makes you stronger, when to trust your gut even if it means being wrong, and what it truly takes to delegate when you're a founder who's done everything yourself.
Angela shares the story of the Taylor LEAD Foundation, a family-founded 501(c)3 focused on getting Idaho girls into sports and scholar athletes into college, including this: 94% of C-suite female leaders in Fortune 500 companies played sports. Kevin pulls back the curtain on how the Idaho Community Foundation manages over $300 million in charitable assets, and what the real funding gap looks like for nonprofits in Idaho.
And Steph's closing answer to Mike's final question about what she hopes the people she's filmed, mentored, and worked with will carry forward in ten years lands exactly where this podcast was always headed.
About the Guests:
Mike Krause is an executive coach and mental performance strategist with Global Bound, LLC, where he partners with executives and emerging leaders to enhance performance, support sustainable growth, and strengthen holistic wellbeing both inside and outside the workplace. He brings over 25 years of executive leadership experience in the nonprofit sector, including 4½ years with the United States Department of State in Southern and Central Africa, where his work focused on public health initiatives and cross-cultural leadership.
Mike serves as an executive coach for the Idaho Leads program and is the developer and lead facilitator of the Ascending Leaders initiative through the Idaho Community Foundation. He is currently pursuing a master’s degree in Sport and Performance Psychology, while co-hosting a weekly podcast and traveling throughout the country speaking on leadership, workplace culture, and mental fitness practices.
Kevin Bailey is the Vice President of Community Impact at the Idaho Community Foundation. He oversees the Idaho Nonprofit Center nonprofit support programming as well as ICF’s grantmaking functions. Kevin was previously the CEO of the Idaho Nonprofit Center and was part of merging the Idaho Nonprofit Center into ICF in late 2024. Kevin and his wife, Becca, have 3 young boys, ages 10, 8, and 5. In his spare time he loves to hike, bike, and ski in Idaho’s beautiful mountain areas.
Angela Taylor is a trailblazing sports executive, entrepreneur, and leadership strategist committed to helping people and organizations reach their full potential. A former Stanford women’s basketball player and two-time NCAA National Champion, Angela went on to hold leadership roles across the WNBA, including positions with the league office, Washington Mystics, Atlanta Dream, and Minnesota Lynx. Today, she brings that same championship mindset to her work as Co-Founder and Partner of The Dignitas Agency, where she advises clients on leadership development, organizational culture, inclusion, and sustainable change. Through The Taylor LEAD Foundation, Angela continues to invest in the next generation by creating pathways for young people, women, and underserved communities to thrive.
Steph Lokelani is a proud graduate of the 2023 LB cohort and has called Boise home for over 21 years. She founded #OMGFemaleFilmmakers 8 years ago and In Real Life Films in 2025 with a clear mission: to serve Idaho nonprofits and local businesses, such as HP and Boise Cascade, through purposeful video storytelling. What started as a local vision has grown into a recognized production company serving 25+ Treasure Valley nonprofits, attracting national partners, and creating local jobs. Steph leads with heart, annually offering pro bono video and podcast production and currently serves as board president of Treasure Valley Children's Theater. When she's not behind the camera, she's strength training, running half marathons for fun, and giving her dog and cats a safe and happy place to live.
Key Takeaways:
1. Authenticity is alignment, not a personality type. Being authentic as a leader isn't about having a certain style, it's about knowing your values, living them out, and showing up consistently enough that your team knows what to expect. When leaders try to replicate someone else, they erode trust without even knowing it.
2. Values are a toolkit, not a fixed list. Kevin keeps his core values written on his bathroom mirror and chooses one to lead with each day. As life changes, values shift. The goal isn't one immovable set it's knowing your values well enough to amplify the right ones in the right situations.
3. Difference is a feature, not a bug. Whether on a film set, a WNBA team, or a nonprofit, you don't want everyone to think like you. Different values, creative instincts, and strengths are where innovation lives. The key is alignment around organizational mission, not personal match.
4. The role of opposites in succession. Angela observed that when replacing an unsuccessful leader, organizations naturally look for someone different, but when replacing a successful one, they often clone, leaving no room for new vision. Real succession planning makes space for different leadership to carry the mission forward in new ways.
5. Leadership is stewardship, not ownership. All three guests circled back here: the role of a leader is to be a caretaker for the mission, the culture, and the people, not to make it about themselves. That humility is the foundation of lasting legacy.
6. You cannot grow your business if you're doing all the work inside it. Steph is living this right now - delegating for the first time, hiring an editor, sending her team to cover events while she focuses on business development. Angela and Kevin both name the discomfort: when you're a natural doer, stepping back feels like not doing enough. But leadership requires a different kind of output.
7. Trust your intuition and act on it sooner. Angela learned this the hard way: she knew within weeks which team members weren't right for her organization but waited a year to act. The delay cost the culture. Leaders who pause too long on people decisions often pay for it with everyone else's morale.
8. Communicating the why is not optional. Vision only moves teams when it's shared. If people don't understand the North Star, they fill the gap with resistance. And leading from a vision - not just a plan - is what allows you to navigate when the plan breaks down. The power outage the night before this recording was a live test of exactly that.
9. 94% of C-suite women in Fortune 500 companies played sports. Angela built the Taylor LEAD Foundation on this data. A 39-point gap separates girls below the poverty line from those with access to sports. Getting girls in the game isn't just an equity issue, it's a leadership pipeline issue.
10. Standing up for yourself is a leadership skill. Steph admits it comes naturally to stand up for her team - oldest of four kids, lifelong big sister energy - but advocating for herself as a business owner has been the hardest thing. Learning to speak up for her own needs and boundaries has been its own kind of growth.
Chapters:
00:00 — Welcome and Episode Intro00:45 — Mike Introduces the Guests and Setting03:27 — Kicking Off: How Do You Frame Leadership?04:22 — Kevin: Lead From Who You Are, Not Who You Admire05:57 — Angela: Everyone Can Be a Leader — Find Your Own Voice08:10 — Steph: Authenticity Means Giving Your Team Room to Lead09:02 — Mike Opens the Floor: What Is Authenticity, Really?10:28 — Angela: When Leaders Lose Themselves (The Sports Coaching Analogy)13:03 — Kevin: Writing His Values on His Bathroom Mirror15:10 — Mike: Values Under Pressure, Trust, and Emotional Contagion17:20 — Mike Asks Steph: What Made You Go Out on Your Own?17:51 — Steph: Leaving HP and Choosing Alignment Over Stability19:27 — From OMG Female Filmmakers to IRL Films: A Rebrand with Purpose20:43 — Angela: Building Championship Culture — The Spurs Model24:57 — Kevin: The CAR Model — Competency, Autonomy, and Relatedness in Hiring27:07 — Legacy: What Are You Hoping to Leave Behind?27:38 — Kevin: The Coaching Tree — Joy in Watching Others Find Their Footing28:44 — Angela: From Achievement to Impact — The Moment She Found Her Why30:42 — Steph: Leaving a Piece of Yourself in Every Story You Tell31:42 — Mike: Leadership Is Stewardship32:00 — Idaho Community Foundation: What They Do and How It Works38:00 — Taylor Lead Foundation: Scholar Athletes, Girls in Sports & the 94% Stat44:42 — Audience Q: Are Different Values on Your Team Good or Bad?47:33 — Angela: The Role of Opposites in Succession Planning52:35 — Steph: I Don't Want My Team to Have the Same Values as Me53:25 — Working Across Differences: Steph's Political Client Story54:00 — Angela: Values as a Funnel — Stop Drilling Down Into Division57:01 — Mike and Kevin: Curiosity as a Leadership Superpower59:14 — Audience Q: How Do You Step Back and Learn to Delegate?59:55 — Kevin: The 80/20 Rule — On the Business vs. In the Business1:01:07 — Angela: Six Types of Working Geniuses and Finding Your Role1:06:50 — Steph: Delegating in Real Time — and Running a Half Marathon1:08:45 — Audience Q: Women in Male-Dominated Leadership Spaces1:09:12 — Steph: Approach Everyone as Equals and Be Direct1:10:09 — Angela: Intention vs. Impact — Developing Your Leadership Range1:11:14 — Audience Q: What Did You Have to Learn the Hard Way?1:11:17 — Steph: Not Everybody Is Going to Like You1:11:22 — Kevin: Keep Showing Up — How He Became a Leader1:13:24 — Angela: Trust Your Intuition — Don't Wait a Year to Act1:16:41 — Steph: Balancing Your Vision with Your Team's Input On Set1:18:30 — Mike: Communicating the Vision from the Start1:19:20 — Vision vs. Plan: What Happens When Things Fall Apart1:21:35 — Angela: Leading from a North Star, Not a Blueprint1:23:31 — Kevin: The Nonprofit Funding Crisis in Idaho1:27:03 — Audience Q: What Was the Hardest Leadership Decision You've Made?1:28:52 — Steph: The Hardest Thing Has Been Standing Up for Myself1:29:44 — Closing: What Do You Hope Your Legacy Carries Forward?1:30:04 — Kevin: I Hope They Authentically Be Themselves1:31:00 — Angela: Mindset First — Lean Into Your Authentic Self Sooner1:32:13 — Steph: Everyone Has a Story to Tell and Everyone Brings Value1:32:48 — The Essence of You: Finding Who You Are Beyond Your Labels